Family - Part 2

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome back to Grow Tential. We are so excited to be here with you. I'm Sarah and I'm with my dad. We like to call him Doc. [00:00:07] Speaker B: Good morning. [00:00:08] Speaker A: How are ya? [00:00:09] Speaker B: I'm good. [00:00:10] Speaker A: Good. Grotential is all about learning and growing together and trying to grow into our full potential. So we love to have conversations that challenge us and help us to think in better and healthier ways. So last month, we talked about. We started to talk about the family dynamic, that relationships are God's good idea. And sometimes in God's good idea, it can be the hardest things because we get the most challenges in life in those. So every family has a family dynamic. Every family has beauty and struggles. And so last month we talked about Abraham and the idea that you can be faithful and follow God and still make decisions that can really ultimately hurt you and how to find God in that. And today we are going to move on and we are going to be talking about Isaac. Can you set us up for a minute of what Isaac's family relationship looked like? [00:01:17] Speaker B: Okay. [00:01:17] Speaker A: Again, you'll find this in Genesis. [00:01:19] Speaker B: In Genesis, Isaac was raised as an only child. He had a half brother, but he wasn't in his life. So he was raised as an only child, and he didn't marry until he was 40 years old. And Isaac and his wife Rebecca had a hard time having a child. And they prayed and they had twins. They were fraternal twins, not identical twins. And the firstborn twin was described as red and hairy. [00:02:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:02:10] Speaker B: Esau, he was. Yes. He was a. A redhead. And he was a hairy man. [00:02:18] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:02:19] Speaker B: The second twin was Jacob, and he was. He was a man of the tent city. He liked living in the tent city. Esau loved out in the wilderness. [00:02:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:02:41] Speaker B: Always being on some adventure. [00:02:43] Speaker A: Yeah. I imagine Jacob as my Jacob. Devilishly good looking, smart, funny, deliciously gorgeous, rich. [00:02:57] Speaker B: Okay. So the boys were very, very different. And because they were very different, there was something about Esau and his love of the wilderness, hunting, going on adventure that made Isaac favor him. Jacob was a man who loved living in the tent city. Turned out he was a pretty good cook, too. And his mother, Rebecca, liked his company. She liked it that he wasn't running off and always doing something. [00:03:40] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:03:41] Speaker B: And so she grew to favor him. And it really. It really wasn't a problem until they allowed their favoritism to create manipulation within the family. So because Esau was the firstborn twin, he had what was called the birthright. That meant two thirds of everything his father owned went to him when he died. And the family patriarchy went to him when he died. Well, that really wasn't something that interested Jacob. I mean, Esau, because that's not the lifestyle he had. Yeah, he didn't want to take care of a tent city. He didn't want to be encumbered with herds and all that stuff. He wanted to be out on adventures. So one, he went out on a big adventure, hunting adventure. Didn't have much luck. And he came home, and he was very, very hungry. And his brother Jacob was at the time making some stew. And Esau smelled that stew. [00:04:58] Speaker A: My Jacob is also a wonderful cook. [00:05:00] Speaker B: Yes, he is. [00:05:01] Speaker A: Yeah. I should probably stop the comparison because it doesn't go well here. [00:05:07] Speaker B: And Esau said to his brother, could I have a bowl of your stew? And Jacob just threw it out there. And he goes, I will let you have all the stew you want if you give me the birthright. He had no idea that Esau would agree, but he did. And he sold his birthright for supper. I'm sure that displeased his father. Now, we don't hear the backstory on this, but I'm sure it displeased him. It was his desire that his favorite son would be the next patriarch and would take over and lead the family. It delighted Sarah. I mean, it delighted Rebecca, because now her favored son would be the next patriarch, and she would be well taken care of. And she would be. Her favorite son would be the one who ran the tent village. Ah. And things went on for a while until Isaac decided it was time for him to bless his sons. The father's blessing was supposed to be part of the birthright. And Esau decided that even though. I mean, Isaac decided that even though Esau sold the birthright, he was going to give him the blessing. And he called him in and said, I want to bless you. I want you to go out and hunt down a deer. I want you to make it the way you know I like it. I will eat your dinner, and at the end, I'll feel very happy, and I will bless you. Well, Rebekah heard Isaac say that to Esau, and she called Jacob and said, you, father is going to give the blessing to Esau, and I want you to have it. And the two of them conspired. Isaac had gone blind, and the two of them conspired. And Rebekah knew the food that Isaac liked, and she made it. She let Jacob borrow one of Esau's robes that she had, so he smelled like Esau. And Isaac ended up blessing Jacob Yeah, well, Esau doesn't know any of this happened. He comes back. He comes into his father's tent. He's got this dinner made, and the whole thing comes out. And Esau, for the first time in his life, was distraught. And he said to his father, you've got some blessing for me. [00:08:36] Speaker A: Give me something. [00:08:37] Speaker B: And Jacob said. I mean, Isaac said so many names. I blessed your brother with everything I know. And Esau was diswraught. And he said, surely you have one blessing for me. And Isaac's blessing is a little odd. He said, you will. You will make your. You'll make your life away from the blessings of the earth. You'll make your future not by farming or shepherding or anything, he said, and your brother will rule over you, but you'll grow restless and throw off his yoke. It's a very odd blessing. So I want to break in the story and make a couple of observations. [00:09:49] Speaker A: Because I'd love to know your take, too, on the blessings. Like, that's an interesting thing to me, because it's not something we do anymore. [00:09:58] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:09:58] Speaker A: So I. [00:10:00] Speaker B: So I believe the blessing starts with God blessed Abraham and made a covenant with him. And Abraham blessed Isaac, and the covenant passed to Isaac, And Isaac blessed Jacob, and the covenant passed to Jacob. Jacob, we can read in Genesis blesses all 12 of his sons. [00:10:29] Speaker A: Well, blesses is a loose term. [00:10:31] Speaker B: Yeah, that's what I was going to say. They are odd blessings. Okay, so I want to make an observation. It is true that it's easier for some parents and children to get along than other parents and children. Okay. It's just easier. Some kids have. Some kids and their parents have more in common. That's not a problem. It becomes a problem when we begin to manipulate the family for the favored child. [00:11:15] Speaker A: So what would that look like? Do you have ideas of what this would look like because it's so far removed? I'm not. I think sometimes it can be subtle, too. Like maybe it's not even purposeful or you're not even aware you're doing it. So what would it look like in your mind? Or what have you seen? [00:11:40] Speaker B: Some children are harder to raise than others. I have to sympathize with my parents. I was not an easy child to raise. I was not obedient. I lied all the time. I was not an easy child to raise. So it is. If a child is not easy to raise, then it becomes easy for a parent to favor a child that is easier to raise. I mean, it's just easier. They're easier to get along with. They're not as grouchy. They don't talk back as much. [00:12:32] Speaker A: Yeah. It's almost like a reprieve. Go to the child that likes you, you know? Yeah. [00:12:44] Speaker B: I have a perfect example. Jacob learned this from his parents. And so he had a favorite child. He called him Joseph, and he made him a coat. That was an insult to all the rest of kids in the family. The coat was his dad's way of saying, this kid is my favorite. And what it did was it alienated the brothers from each other. [00:13:11] Speaker A: Right. Because I think one of the signs of manipulation, if you're a parent listening or maybe your child who's like, yeah, that feels. It is a comparison where you're constantly compared. Like, if you'd only be more like. Or look at what your brother did. Or don't be like, yeah. And so if you're a parent that is comparing, you are adding a level of manipulation to your family that is unhealthy and will divide the family. [00:13:40] Speaker B: Yes. I can say one thing. It looks like Isaac and Rebecca got right was they let the boys grow into their natural self. They didn't. Isaac didn't try to manipulate Jacob to be the man of the wilderness that he favored. And Rebecca didn't try to manipulate Esau to be. Spend more time in the tent city. They did let these boys grow into their natural, authentic self. Yeah. [00:14:13] Speaker A: Yeah. Which can be challenging, too, when, you know, you. I think one of the things about the hardest thing that's about parenting is you do see the best in your kid until they give you all the reasons, you know, but you do. I think, like, when I look at my kids, I always saw. And this was easy to see in them because I really do have great kids. But they. I could see them. But I think with Lex, for instance, she was very athletic, like, just very naturally athletic, very good at sports. And she came to us when she was like, 14 and maybe a little younger and said she didn't want to do sports anymore. She wanted to sing. Now, you know, we don't have a singing bone in the family. And I never heard her sing at this point. So my mom just raised her hand like, excuse me, I can sing. So my husband Jacob would also feel the same way. He'd be like, sarah, I can sing. [00:15:10] Speaker B: Well, I can't sing, and I'll be. [00:15:12] Speaker A: The first to admit it. So we don't really have. Okay, we have a couple wink, wink, that can sing. Sing. But it was hard because we were like, oh, no, what if she can't sing, what if she's like the rest of us? And so we said, you can absolutely do that. We just want to hear you sing. You know, the whole American Idol where you hear these people and you're like, where were their parents? Who were their friends? [00:15:37] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:15:39] Speaker A: And then Lexi has a gift from God, a gift from heaven that is very, very clear, but which we hear. [00:15:44] Speaker B: Every Sunday to the glory of God. [00:15:46] Speaker A: Amen. Amen. So I think one of the things, too, is you have to let your kids say what they want, you know, and that is part of that and not manipulate them into, well, you're going to be doing this. You're going to be. Yeah, you're naturally athletic. Stick with it or force them into it. Okay, let's go back to the hard bend of this. Like, if you grew up in a manipulative family where you do feel rejected by your parent or you do feel like you were the unfavored child. This is very hard for me to relate to because I am the favorite. So I really understand this, actually, on both sides, I'm your favorite and mom's favorite. So it's just like the trifecta of good. So, kids, if you need any tips, just let me know. It's not true. Misty is Dad's favorite, and Jay is Mom's favorite. So it's not true. So it can be a little more fun. Okay. Anyways, if you have the bend of the hurt, how do you feel like God can meet you in that? [00:16:52] Speaker B: Okay. I have experienced some of this. I had a falling out with my parents when I was still in high school, and it was a bad falling out and I left home. Yeah, I rented a apartment. I had a good job and I could afford to do it. And in. I don't know, I must have been in. I must have been in my 40s. I hadn't resolved some of it, and I had to go to counseling. I hated going to counseling. I hated driving over there, but I hated what was going on inside of me more than I hated going to counseling. [00:17:48] Speaker A: What if you don't mind being a little vulnerable because you brought it up. So thank you for sharing. What was one of the healthiest things you learned from your counselor during that time? [00:18:00] Speaker B: So the healthiest I can say the healthiest thing I learned was, ah, I have to accept. In the same way I want my parents to accept. To accept who I am, I had to learn to accept who they are. Instead of me saying to myself, they should have done this and they shouldn't have done that, I have to say. Well, they weren't raised by perfect parents either. And we have different personalities, we have different inclinations. And I had to come to a point where I just simply had to say, that's just who they were. And it helped me. I also came to accept that I was partially responsible because I was not an easy child to raise. That if I could have been a little more obedient. [00:19:27] Speaker A: I think there's. It's on both ends of what you're saying is healthy to understand. I think because you were rowdier or whatever, it was your personality that uniquely brought you into who you are and the challenges you had to lead in. And a personality that I want to cuss, but I won't. The Forget yout. [00:20:00] Speaker B: Yes. [00:20:00] Speaker A: Am I gonna need to delete that out of this podcast? The Forget you attitude where it's like, I don't know if this is too authentic, too real, but the attitude of it's me and God and sometimes I can't listen to every voice. Cause there's a lot of voices. [00:20:23] Speaker B: Yeah. I learned, ah, you can say you won't help me, but you can't keep me from doing it. [00:20:29] Speaker A: And so in the same way that it's like you can't break a child to be exactly who you think they should. [00:20:37] Speaker B: No. [00:20:38] Speaker A: You have to learn that this is this child's personality, and here's how I can best help them. And it's not about bending a child to be everything you think they should be. In the same way we give our parents grace, we have to give our children grace. [00:20:54] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:20:56] Speaker A: So I'm sorry, I just wanted to have your back in that for a minute. [00:20:59] Speaker B: Thank you. [00:20:59] Speaker A: So sorry to interrupt. [00:21:01] Speaker B: Okay, let's go on with the story. So. [00:21:07] Speaker A: So wait, sorry. What is your take on blessings, then? You think it was a covenant thing that God was passing down during that time, and it's not really for us today? Like, what's your take on the blessings today? [00:21:24] Speaker B: Yeah, I still think we should bless our kids. [00:21:26] Speaker A: And you just did an awesome sermon on the Blessed God Blesses. Is that what the title was? [00:21:36] Speaker B: Actually, I think it was Spiritual Blessings. [00:21:40] Speaker A: But look for something on our YouTube page with blessings. Ephesians 1:3 in January 2020. What is it? The Spiritual Blessings Week 1. You talked about blessings in a way that I couldn't get out of my mind. That blessings is speaking, well of. [00:22:01] Speaker B: Yes. [00:22:02] Speaker A: And so if we put it in that context, then. [00:22:08] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, I. I believe something really, really healthy happens in kids when their parents Speak well of them. [00:22:16] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:22:17] Speaker B: I think something really unhealthy happens when their parents don't speak well of them. I have a memory that happened in elementary school. Someone said to me, I have a brother who's two years older. You can dress Dean in a gunny bag and it'll look like a $500 suit. You can dress Dave in a $500 suit and it'll look like a gunny bag. And you know what? That was in elementary school. [00:22:50] Speaker A: And it's still. [00:22:51] Speaker B: And I could not tell anyone that story until I went to counseling. Yeah, I never told that story until I went to counseling. [00:23:00] Speaker A: Yeah, well, it sucks. It's a crappy story. Makes me mad. Who was it? I. [00:23:05] Speaker B: So I think. I think healthy things happen when parents speak well of their children, to their children and about their children publicly. [00:23:18] Speaker A: Yeah, I agree. I think that is something you and mom always did. Mom, I think, is my biggest encourager in the world. It'll make me tear up. Because when you know your parents believe in you, it shapes you. [00:23:35] Speaker B: Yes, it does. [00:23:38] Speaker A: So I think another point then. So if you're a parent, please, for the love encourage, speak well of. But if you are hurt by some of the things your parents said, this is where you have to seek God too, you know, because the blessed God blesses. [00:24:01] Speaker B: Yes. [00:24:01] Speaker A: He speaks well of you. [00:24:04] Speaker B: Yes. [00:24:04] Speaker A: And sometimes in your sermons you will say things that it's like so eye opening and so hard to believe because you feel your own weight of reality. But you said something yesterday, and it was probably also in the blessed that he takes delight in us and that he. He does want to speak well of you. Can you talk about that for a second? [00:24:33] Speaker B: We make a mistake when we try to understand God through the lens of other people. So we end up thinking of God the way we learn to think about life. And in fact, he's nothing at all like our life experience. [00:24:56] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:24:57] Speaker B: It is the heart of God. It is his passion to be at work in us and to forgive our sin and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. It's his passion to day by day, help us to be a little more like Christ. It's not a hassle to him. It's not an effort to Him. It's the natural impulse of his heart. [00:25:30] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think when you go to scripture, like looking for it, that's where you get the greatest affirmations. I think what I might do is sometimes you were a firm believer in self affirmation. So you taught me that and I did a Dumb one most of my life. God designed you to be a rock star. It was helpful in my 20s. Now it's different because I need to replace it with some truth from scripture. And I just took our, our mentoring some kids in their 20s in high school, and I took them through the practice of saying, okay, here's where my mind struggles with insecurity, here's where my mind tends to go and what I say about myself. So it would be stuff like I'm unworthy of the life I have, or I'm unworthy of the love. Some of the kids said that it's just anxiety that will riddle their thoughts of just not being good enough. Some feel the pressure of life so much so we went through scripture to find, okay, if this is what you're telling yourself, here's how to replace it with the truth of what God has to say. And it can be one of the, the most defining things you ever do in your life. So maybe what I'll do is I will put it's from Life Church. They gave you a tool of here's some scriptures and there might be 10 to 15, and it would be a starting point. So I could put that in the notes section of this podcast and you could find ways where if you have been hurt, if you've been rejected, if the manipulation has happened in your family and you are, you struggle with your thought life, here's some healthy ways and healthy tools to start to replace it. So I'll drop that in the notes section of this Also give us one more good thought before we close. [00:27:36] Speaker B: The consequences of all this was the family was torn apart and the brothers didn't see each other for 20 long years. Jacob was in Haran, where Rebecca's family was from. Rebecca didn't get to see her son for 20 long years. [00:27:57] Speaker A: Yeah. Esau got so angry, he had to. Jacob had to flee. [00:28:04] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:28:05] Speaker A: And so they separated for those 20 years. [00:28:08] Speaker B: Okay. But the good, the blessing is those 20 years, God was at work in both of their hearts and they had a reunion. The animosity passed and the brothers had a beautiful reunion. So I want to say, if you came from, if a broken family is part of your life experience, God is the great healer. [00:28:42] Speaker A: Amen. [00:28:42] Speaker B: And there's still the possibility that God might send healing. Just like you said in the TED Talk, keep an open heart. [00:28:55] Speaker A: Yeah, I am. Started in January, started reading through scripture again. And just this morning in Exodus, you get God defining a little bit of his nature and he uses the word healer. And I wrote it at the top of my Bible today. [00:29:15] Speaker B: Yahweh, Rapha, the God who heals. [00:29:18] Speaker A: Sorry. I, the Lord, am your healer. [00:29:21] Speaker B: Yes. [00:29:22] Speaker A: And that. I just saw it this morning. It's like God knows what he's doing and what we're gonna talk about. [00:29:27] Speaker B: Yes, he does. [00:29:28] Speaker A: All right. I love you, dad. Thank you so much for this. This was good. This was good. I hope it was helpful to people because I think it's helpful to me, too. So just being the favorite and all. Just kidding. Alright, well, we hope this was helpful. We ask that you share it. If it was, give us a like and a comment and we will catch you next time. Have a great week.